Market Curiosity: Exploring Markets And Systems

September 11, 2013

10 Dating Ideas Almost Nobody Wants To See, Hear, Or Know

Filed under: 10 Ideas, Editorials — Jeff Fitzmyers @ 8:51 pm

Disclaimer: Musings, in general, I have no proof, April Fools…

  • First, give some space and relax:
  • No sex until you see, understand, and accept, their shadow side. Everyone is a package; there are no line item vetoes.
    • Soon tech will be to the point where we can tell our bed at night, “Make me half zebra with iridescent stripes that shed rose petals” and billions of nano bots will have us ready by morning. So we will shroud with increasingly pretty and distracting covers. Learn how to get the heart now — talk about gender identity issues!
    • Conversely, you are having sex with their shadow too. Hmmm… do you have any idea what it looks like? The fangs? The claws? The abject stupid? Beer goggles can’t fix it!!
  • Try not to break item 1 too soon. 😉 But…
    • Waiting until everything is known and perfect will doom the species. Even moderation shouldn’t be taken to excess.
  • Partners should bring out the best in each other. Everything we want is already inside of us. Nice, warm and fuzzy, but…
  • Dating sucks because consciousness attracts consciousness, and 90% of us have trouble letting go of baggage, thus, therefore, ipso facto, and a prima facie: duh, we have baggage.
    • If your dates consistently tend to be a !?#*@*@!!, list what you hate about them. 95% chance they are just mirroring your own baggage. So title the list, Things I Don’t Want To, But Might Want To, Change Someday Even Though It’s Definitely All Their Fault. Now pick one and sit with it until you understand it’s facets, and the heat dissipates. Doesn’t mean they are not still !?#*@*@!!’s, just that they are not driving your life off a cliff.
      • Now you don’t have to find a real therapist. Ironic! Because good therapists are rarer than good dates. That’s why a monk lifestyle seems so alluring and sexy.
      • Focus on what you do well. NOT baggage, unless it is in the way. Then, be optimistic! Maybe you only have one piece of baggage? Work though it and see if that was good enough.
  • Consider asking your date, “What do you want?” Be vulnerable first.
    • Defenselessness shows that you are comfortable with yourself and have some courage.
    • Shows you are not just mirroring what you think they want to hear that you think they want you to think you hear… too freaking confusing.
    • Makes people feel safer, and so, lie less.
  • Don’t gossip. Bonding over gossip is fun and easy, but then all you have is a hollow relationship based on disparaging others.
    • And those others will likely find out in seconds, probably from your date, hate your guts, key your car, and forever spread nasty gossip about you.
  • Be kind. Life is challenging. You will probably never see them again, unless you want a crappy relationship, so give them a complement. What  children remember most about parents? If they were kind or not.
  • Men, sorry: women are smarter and more capable than us, in multiple ways.
    • Historically, while we were running around chasing stuff that ran away from us (easy to bond over and rather fun until they chase us back), women were having to raise kids, get along with each other, grow food, make lunch, and be the last defense to marauders. They often let us think we are smarter to save the effort of being in a power struggle they win anyway.
    • Also historically, women had to deal with worrying about us not returning. Was our absence due to the allure of marauding another village’s women? Or were we painfully hobbling home half eaten? Although women tend to like us, this presents them with more work to do: Find another mate, or nurse us until we die from smelly infections, and then find another mate anyway. So, women like it when we return when we say we will return, and give them something valuable. This used to be called survival, now because it’s trivial for women to procure their own protein, this is called romance and it’s more complicated.
    • Men have to adapt: now the chase is to do something that uniquely speaks to a woman’s soul so that they know we are paying attention to them (not too their friends).
  • Women, sorry: We are confused with adapting from primarily protecting you and our children (our genes), to nicely supporting you and your children.
    • Historically “protection” and “nice support”, are mostly mutually exclusive. An effective protector tends to shoot first and ask questions later because empathetic ponderers are super easy to kill, making you and your kids more vulnerable. That’s why there are 10 times more psychopathic males than females.
    • And protectors need to be roaming about looking for trouble to keep battles away from home. But males are still social creatures, yet are often away from the supportive social nexus.
    • So, historically, young males are lonely jerks who need a lot of testosterone to stay alive but then are sexually frustrated and make poor snap decisions. Currently there are more around because war changed from physical, to economic and informational.
    • The old pattern of dealing with stuff was hard to let go of because it’s so alluringly simple:
    • Can I hump it?
      • Yes, then do so. (But don’t bring it home!) Then find something else to encounter.
      • No? Well, can I eat it?
        • Yes, then do so, and bring some back home, stay for a bit, then go out protecting again.
        • No? Well, can I kill it?
          • Yes, then do so. If it’s food, bring it home. Then find something else to encounter.
          • No? Well, umm.. can I hump it?
  • “Power is never granted, only taken”. Lead the way with grace to receive what you want.

leaf heart

Zenith expressions of joy are universal, pure, and innocent; best romantic framework known…

Update 1 January 2015
Tucker interviews Dr. Christopher Ryan, the bestselling author of Sex at Dawn

1 Comment »

  1. Hello!

    Jeff speaks!

    A la Dr. Will lives.

    You should get some viral attention out of this one.

    Note, typos.

    Good for you, glad you did this before more dates in the future. Possible dates will understand your contracts.


    Love, Jane


    Comment by janechurch — September 11, 2013 @ 10:08 pm

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